I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
