you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
