One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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