Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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