I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
