Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize