Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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