im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize