It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
