Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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