i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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