I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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