I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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