I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
