Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
