you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize