She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize