That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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