Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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