so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
