So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want nice things and good sex
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
