My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
