Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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