using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
