I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
