What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
