they need to just BURY HIM!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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