No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
