White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
