i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
