last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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