grandma shit on top of the toilet
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
