Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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