Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
