paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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