There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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