what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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