Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
