I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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