i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
