# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
