i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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