Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
