The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
