If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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