Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
