I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
