I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
