Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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