Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
