Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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