Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
