I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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