just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
