I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
