Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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