It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
