I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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