Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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