I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
