We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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