I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
