i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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