I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
