I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
