when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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