What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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