Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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