I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
