1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
