She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just pee around me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
